A N N I V E R S A R Y

One year ago, with almost all of our favorite people in the same place, we decided to get married. It was seriously the best! I just wish we could have spent more time with everyone we loved so dearly. Our wedding day was a dream, not everything went as planned, but it was still a dream because of the people who were there. And every day since then has just been getting better and better. 

My favorite floral piece <3

My grandpa Lee's chocolates made the perfect wedding favor. 

If you can zoom in on Christian's face (my brother-in-law) to the left of me. His face is priceless.

 From Tennessee to California, Missouri to Hawaii, and Maryland to Illinois and of course Utah - it meant so much to have my dear friends a part of my bridal party. SO MUCH LOVE <3

I'm pretty sure Christian is calling my parents out during his toast about how much they talked about Trevor while we were broken up. Look at their faces - haha. 

Now this may be confusing on my blog because I have different anniversary posts on the blog from my accident and now wedding anniversaries. But I'm pretty sure I'll be able to tell the difference, hopefully anyone else that reads this can too. 

I'm always all about themes and recording growth and change. So hopefully with these 10 (actually 11) questions we'll be able to track some of that progress and change. Hopefully after a few more years we don't move as often but I added #11 in for now as our lives consist of lots of moving before we hopefully settle into one place. Hopefully these questions do a good job recapping the good, bad and average our first year has held.

1. Favorite thing to do together?

2. What's the biggest change?

3. High moment?

4. Low moment?

5. What was the biggest concern or challenge you faced?

6. What are you looking forward to?

7. Did you start any traditions, hobbies or habits?

8. What has been your favorite place you've been?

9. What is your favorite foods or places to eat?

10. What are your goals?

11. Where have you lived?

1. Favorite thing to do together?
I just love when Cooper is able to be off leash and we are out exploring in nature all together. Whether that's playing at Bear Lake, hiking/running up the canyon or xc skiing. Just being outdoors all together is my favorite thing.

2. Biggest change?

The biggest change this first year held was the adjustment of grocery shopping and cooking. I used to live on my leftovers for days to the point I was sick of them. But now we rarely have left overs and if we do it's just enough for me to take to school for lunch, not really to feed us another meal. So I've been cooking a lot. 

The biggest change was getting used to sharing a bed with Brittany.  I'm used to being able to stretch out and now sometimes Britt is laying diagonal across the bed or snuggling up to me on my half of the bed leaving half of the bed unused.  Dramatic?  Maybe....

3. High moment?
High moment, hmmm. Just simply being together has been a high for me. Ah this one is hard, I'm still coming to terms with all of it, but realizing I could get pregnant was a huge relief. I wasn't quite ready to actually  BE pregnant, but we find out that I could so that was a major blessing and an overall high. At the time I was getting ready to go into a specialist and I had prepared Trevor that we would be in it for the long haul. My complications had nothing to do with my accident, but there were still plenty of other concerns that arose with pregnancy.

My high moment?  There are so many.  It's not really fair to ask for only one.  Well if I can only pick one I would have to pick finding out that Britt was pregnant.  I thought it might be a little bit hard for us to get pregnant so it was really exciting  and a blessing that Britt was able to become pregnant.  I also loved going back to Cambodia and passing 3 out of 4 CPA exams.

4. Low moment?
Low moment would definitely include my injury. I've really struggled with my leg spasms this year. And early on when I thought I might be pregnant I stopped taking my sleep medication which made sleeping and leg spasms really difficult to manage. I remember one day when I just couldn't stop crying; the lack of sleep probably contributed to the water words. But Trevor & I talked about and I realized I have only had a few hours of complete relief from my leg spasms in the past 5 years - 5 YEARS. Only 6-8 hours of relief when I had this spinal block trial done back in 2015. Other than that my injury is constantly wearing on my body and making simple things, like sleeping, a mountain to climb. I definitely had some good hard cries over that struggle, but I'm glad I went off that medication because I was right I was pregnant. It's been so comforting to have Trevor by my side though to talk me through it and to just hold me and let me cry because honestly most of the time there are no words and no answers.

The low moment from the last year would have to be not passing several CPA exams and wondering to myself if I was going to be able to pass the exams that are tied to success and progression in my profession.

5. What was the biggest concern or challenge you faced?
The biggest challenge and concern goes right in line with the high and my low. Really just looking ahead and feeling so uncertain of what's to come. I'm torn between worries about my medication, pregnancy, spasms and  how I will do certain seemingly "simple" tasks of motherhood. I try not to think ahead to much and just tell myself we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But honestly having Trevor along for these same challenges and concerns I know we'll figure it out together. 

Biggest challenge I faced was getting through school while trying to knock out some CPA exams.  Doesn't seem like it was that bad now but between school and CPA exams there was too much studying.

6. What are you looking forward to?
I think I'm most looking forward to embracing being a dog mom and human mom. I love being a dog mom and so with time and learning I know I'll love being a human mom too. And just supporting Trevor. These past few weeks as he's started the new job and back to studying for another CPA exam I really find a lot of fulfillment in that. I still have this desire in me to figure out what else I'm supposed to do with this life of mine that was spared, but for now I'll try and gracefully enter into motherhood knowing that those other things can still come. I'm also really looking forward to Trevor finishing his CPA exams and seeing him become a dad because he is already the funniest and sweetest dog dad. 

I am looking forward to welcoming my son into the world.  I think it will be very challenging to raise a child; sometimes I wonder if I can take care of myself.  I am excited to have him in our home and hopefully compete with my sister for the cutest grandbaby.  I know Brittany has done her part; fingers crossed I don't make the baby ugly, we've got stiff competition in Danni and Ben.

7. Did you start any traditions, hobbies or habits?
Well this is a mix of my hobby and habit. I really loved taking Trevor out XC skiing for the first time and I definitely want that to become a tradition. With work and baby I know it won't be often, but just making it a tradition and outing that we do in the winter. I've already started counting months and will look at some warm baby clothes so we can go in March maybe?

Britt and I went to Bear Lake a lot over this past year and camped which I want to be one of our traditions.  I would like to go on a big fancy trip with the Bryan Fisher Travel Company but I don't think that will ultimately be a long lasting tradition.  Fiddlestixs!!!!  I don't know how I feel about the tradition of answering these questions every year.

8. Where's your favorite place?

Favorite place we've been together is hard because we have been a lot of places this past year. Between Hawaii, Bear Lake & SE Asia there are things I loved about each trip. But I'd have to say Bear Lake last summer before I started work & Trevor started school. It was just so fun and laid back and Cooper could be apart of the traveling :) But Cambodia was a close runner up because it was so amazing to see how much love the people had for Trevor and vice versa and all the love I felt just by being married to him. And hearing Trevor speak with the members and locals was so fun for me. He really did so well; I only saw him struggle to think of a word or how to say something once.

My favorite place that we've been this past year would have to be Asia.  It was good to go back and see the people I lived with for two years of my life and to be able to introduce them to my family.

9. What is your favorite foods or places to eat?
Favorite foods and places to eat. Well I feel like Chick-fil-a is always a win for us. But I've personally loved our pit stops at A&W for my burger fix this past spring.

Favorite food to eat is chicken and waffles. Ate it at Chili's and loved it but I'm willing to eat it anywhere.

10. What are your goals?
Goals would have to be just finding our new balance with our new roles. With Trevor's work and a new addition on the way I think we just want to try and do our best at being consistent with scripture study, prayer, exercise etc.  

My goal is to finish my last CPA exam soon so I am available in the evenings after work to take care of my son and to spend time with Britt.  I also want to run 2-3 times a week so I don't get morbidly obese or just a little fat.  I want to keep the apartment clean and nice for everybody and I don't want to strangle Kaaren for living with us until Christmas.

11. Where have you lived?
We've been living in Logan while Trevor finished up his Masters program at USU. It was a small one bedroom apartment that was definitely a tight fit for us (and all my medical equipment). It was bittersweet to leave Logan, but we weren't sad to say goodbye to our "first apartment". Our new place in Clearfield has a two car garage, lots of natural light and although it's not a full home with our own yard, it's one step closer. 

Over this past year (2016-2017) we have lived in Logan, UT while I finished my masters in accounting at Utah State and we now live in Clearfield, UT to make my commute to Ogden or SLC manageable.

5 Y E A R S

Normally as this time of the year approaches, I start to think about the accident and plan some way to celebrate being alive. But after last years reenactment, I found closure. I went back and claimed the experience that changed my life. The word that kept coming to mind last year was: FREE. After that rappel I felt so free - free from the accident and my injuries. Free from everything that had been holding me back. And so this year as March 12th approached I remembered, but my mind didn't seem to dwell on all the events that March 12th holds. I realized that the reason I used to write so consistently was because I was in the midst of learning so many new lessons including coping with the grief and change I was experiencing in my life. I wrote because I was still processing it all; I wrote to find healing and understanding.

Now that I've found that healing and understanding in my life I don't have any new realizations in my life at this 5 year anniversary. But I did remember a significant lesson I learned within the first few days after my accident.

Before March 2012 life seemed to be going my way in every way- emotionally, socially, spiritually and physically. But I was in a stage of life where I knew God had a specific purpose for me and I was trying to seek out His direction. I wanted to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I wanted to teach others about the joy that I experienced from knowing God and Jesus Christ. My prayers revolved around serving a mission, but for some reason I kept getting a giant NO of an answer. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't want me to dedicate this time to serving and teaching about Him. After months and months of struggle, I finally accepted His will for me and decided not to go. Then I began to ask Him about my work opportunities for the upcoming summer. I still felt like God had a specific purpose for me, but I couldn't figure out where he wanted me to go. I had two incredible jobs lined up and my heart was pulling me in both directions, but I had to choose. I prayed and prayed and didn't received any answers until I came across this scripture in D&C 62:5  

“…As seemeth you good, it mattereth not unto me; only be faithful and declare glad tidings unto the inhabitants of the earth…” 

At the time I thought I understood that it didn't matter which job I took, as long as I continued to serve God and remain close to Him. What I didn't know then, was that God had a completely different mission in store and it truly "mattereth not" which one I chose because  less than a month later I was involved in the accident that changed the course of my life forever. When I was paralyzed, I was called on a new mission. I've learned that His plan for me involved a lifelong mission that allows me to speak to hundreds and thousands of youth, young adults, adults and countless strangers.

Often times people ask me:

Didn't you have a bad feeling before the accident?

My sure answer is NO. In fact, those moments right before my accident were some of the most peaceful beautiful moments I can think of in my 21 years of experience. I sat on the red rocks looking up at the night sky in complete awe of it's beauty and serenity. Just moments before my life was forever changed, I was overwhelmed with peace. 

 I have come to learn that God does not make "bad things" happen, but sometimes He ALLOWS them to happen.

I know God had a specific mission in store for me and this accident is a part of my mission. While a lot of pain and grief have come from my accident, even more JOY has followed. Not only does God have a specific plan for me, but He has one for you too. Sometimes our prayers are not answered the way we want because He has a different plan in mind.

1,826 days

1,826 days since I last ran or jumped around on my own two feet. 1,826 days filled with neuropathic pain. 1,826 days of intense muscle spasms. 1,826 days of small steps and hard work.  Some days were filled with grief and sadness others were filled with resilience and determination. Some passed painfully slow others flew by in a blur. Seasons of sorrow were folled by seasons of joy, but in the end I'm still me. We each have the same 24 hours in a day, it's not as much WHAT has happened to me. It's about how I've chosen to react and move forward. In these past 1,826 days I student taught and graduated from college ON TIME. In these past 1,826 days I commuted and spent endless hours for physical therapy. I worked 4 different jobs and finally ended up teaching again. I brought home Cooper and become a dog mom. In the past 1,826 days I found my passion for exercise and the outdoors again cross country skiing. In the past 1,826 days dates I dated, broke up, dated and married Trevor. These 1,826 days I've travel everywhere from Hawaii to San Fransico and the African continent and all the way across Europe. The past 1,826 days may not have been filled with running, but those days have been filled with just as much adventure. The past 1,826 days have been filled with just as much joy, love and laughter.

The Walking in Between

I've been struggling with my blog lately because I love using my blog to share goodness and some of my personal experiences, but I also love to blog and journal to record memories. Although this is not the most exciting stage of life I still want to remember the ins and outs of day-to-day life. Every once and awhile I just want to update about my life as of lately. I love the lyrics in Ben Rector's song where he sings: Cause life is not the mountain tops it's the walking in between.  So this is some of the walking in between going  on in my life. 

Right now, Trevor is in the midst of studying for CPA exams and so almost every waking moment is spent studying for these exams or working in the tax lab or finishing up class work for his last semester in his masters program. Trevor is usually pretty good about taking breaks and escaping into nature with me and Cooper. This winter we had 3 snow days up in Logan and as you might imagine - TONS of snow to go with it. So we've tried to take advantage of all the xc skiing before all of the snow melted. 

I used to dread winter, before I started xc skiing. It was nearly impossible to enjoy the outdoors and was so difficult to get around in my wheelchair. But skiing has totally transformed winter for me and I actually really enjoy nature in the winter. 

Winter can still wear on me though, I love being outdoors and in sunlight. So all these short days and minimal sunlight can be a bit of a downer. So my mom, sister and I decided to escape for a girls weekend to Paradise Valley, AZ. And let me tell you in the middle of a cold winter, it really was paradise. Between our morning pool time, afternoon workouts and fabulous dinners on the outdoor patio, it definitely lived up to it's theme #treatyoself2017 

We stayed up talking until 2 A.M. the first night, but we still wanted to maximize our pool time so I ended up falling asleep on the pool floaty. There I was awkwardly passed out and floating into people in the pool. Meanwhile, Kaaren and Laura were by the poolside eating lunch and laughing at me. We left the resort a few times, but every time we came back we questioned why we ever left in the first place because we loved it so much. If you are ever looking for a weekend getaway the JW Marriot Scottsdale Camelback Inn Resort will not disappoint. It was the perfect girls weekend filled with endless conversations and laugher because lets be honest, if you hang out with Kaaren there is bound to be laughter.

We can't forget our dog child, Cooper. He really is our child. Cooper turned two this month and people told me he'd grow out of the playful puppy stage around this time, but he hasn't. And I don't even mind. He is a bit needy, but I have to remember I got him when I was single and avoiding men. Cooper really did get a lot of attention as a puppy. My mom even refers to him as her dog grandchild and my whole family might be a little excessively in love with him. So it's not all Cooper's fault, we really do encourage his needy behavior sometimes. Taking Cooper xc skiing with us really was the best. One week we couldn't take him because his paw was bleeding and it broke my heart when I saw other dogs out on the trail. So you better bet we bought doggy paw protectors and took him with us the next time - HE LOVED IT. He would sprint ahead and then run back to us and frolic in the giant snow banks. Making Cooper happy makes me happy, that's what it's like to have a real child right? So that's why Cooper is our dog-child. I know this is probably an unhealthy relationship, but I'm conscious of it so it's fine. 

Other than that January was a little crazy with a handful of speaking engagements. I've really come to embrace sharing my story and speaking. Sometimes it can be overwhelming with everything else going on in life, but January was good. I was a little exhausted after teaching all day and then speaking at night. I'm continually being reminded that Cache Valley is so interconnected. I'm constantly meeting people and making connections of who is related to who etc. It can be fun and exhausting trying to remember them all. But I really do love that about the "small town" feel of Cache Valley. I know we are really going to miss that when we move. Trevor will graduate in May and my school year will finish in June. We knew our time in Logan had an expiration date when we moved into our first apartment together. But there will be a lot that I miss about Logan, Trevor studying all the time will not be one of them. 

 I officially became Mrs. Brittany Fisher Frank after a trip down to the Social Security Office in Ogden. Trevor used to joked with me the first time we dated about me becoming his B.F.F. Now it's official. Sitting in the room waiting to change my name made me even more grateful for Trevor. This world is CRA-ZY or maybe just the Ogden Social Security office is, but either way it just made me so grateful for everything - especially Trevor. I know I've been complaining about all of his studying lately, but he's been working so hard and going above and beyond in everything he does. 

And that's been life lately. Nothing too exciting or out of the ordinary. Social media has this way of only displaying the highlights in our lives. But I want to remember that life isn't just about the mountain tops or peaks in our lives, it's the walking in between.

SIMPLIFY in 2017

Two Thousand Sixteen was NOTHING like I planned. From getting back together with Trevor to my anniversary rappel at Cougar Cliffs to our family trip to Europe & oh getting engaged and married - it's been quite the year! Just shortly after the new year Trevor & I had our "first date" - for the second time. You know how the Chinese calendar has the year or the cow, year of the pig etc.? Well 2016 was the year of the Trevor. Since about the second week of January 2016, it has been all about Trevor. Reconnecting, dating, getting engaged, planning a wedding and starting our new life together back in Logan.

(don't mind our moody dog-child)

This past year I've been trying to find balance in my life. I attempted to balance a full-time teaching job, trying to train full-time for xc skiing, regular speaking engagements, balancing my role as a wife and dog-mom. I've been slacking on my blog this last year because I was trying to balance all these different roles and responsibilites. After lots of thinking and prioritizing I've decided to just SIMPLIFY.

The first step to simplifying was to let go of what wasn't bringing me joy and that started with competitive skiing. As I've been thinking through my long term life goals, I realized competitive skiing was doing nothing for me.

The best way to live a meaningful and connected life was to and to do just that - live. I will definitely continue to ski, but the stress of training and skiing competitively was not bringing me joy. I know my identity doesn't lie in my role as an athlete. Skiing and mountain boarding brings me joy, but not at a high level of intensity. And with a full time job, husband and dog, as well as regular speaking engagements and numerous failed attempts at writing - I just didn't have enough hours in the day. I still make daily exercise a priority because it always has and always will keep me sane.

Trevor & I talked a lot about consistency before the new year. We often set goals based on things we plan on doing every day or a certain number times a month. And while I think it's important to write down specific goals, I also want to remained balanced. And in order to remain balanced we need to simplify. That is where this years theme comes in:

SIMPLIFY IN 2017

So often people make these extravagant new years goals & lists. But this theme truly simplifies it all. In this simplified 2017 we want to be consistent. Consistent with our prayers and scripture study. We want to be consistent friends. We want to consistently be serving and loving others. We want to consistently work out, attend the temple and try new recipes. With consistency there is balance and with balance there must be simplicity. 

This year I want to live a simplified and balanced life, but the best way to do that is to be consistent is to not try and overwhelm ourselves by starting a bunch of large ambitious goals all at once. Our actions may start small, but with all of our actions we want to be consistent and intentional.

Here's just a little recap of my past themes:

BEING BOLD IN 2009

RECKLESS in 2010

SOPHISTICATED in 2011

AUDACIOUS in 2012

LIMITLESS in 2013

RESTARTING in 2014

AUTHENTIC in 2015

PERSEVERING in 2016

SIMPLIFY IN 2017

And now for a recap of 2016: The year of the Trevor.

JANUARY 

Lots of cross country skiing & started secretly dating Trevor.

FEBRURARY

More skiing, secretly dating & surprising my mom. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCtBqVbhpxk/

MARCH
My 4th anniversary rappel.

APRIL
 Mountain boarded my first marathon, landed a job in Logan & got engaged.

MAY
 Surgery, wedding planning & our family trip to Europe.

JUNE
 More wedding planning, bridal showers, speaking engagements & moving up to Logan. 

JULY
 Wedding month, Hawaii and a trip back home to Chicago.

AUGUST
 After lots of traveling we finally got settled in our new apartment, had time for a little summer fun & then we both started school. 

SEPTEMBER
 Lots of teaching & studying with a trip up to Jackson Hole as the support van for Braden in the LOTOJA.

OCTOBER
 More teaching & studying - with a family trip down to St. George to see my dad run in the marathon.

 

NOVEMBER
 Tried to stay healthy in the midst of teaching 2nd graders with some speaking mixed in between.

(Cubbies won the World Series)

DECEMBER
 Bought our first Christmas tree & celebrated the holidays with our families.