The Walking in Between

I've been struggling with my blog lately because I love using my blog to share goodness and some of my personal experiences, but I also love to blog and journal to record memories. Although this is not the most exciting stage of life I still want to remember the ins and outs of day-to-day life. Every once and awhile I just want to update about my life as of lately. I love the lyrics in Ben Rector's song where he sings: Cause life is not the mountain tops it's the walking in between.  So this is some of the walking in between going  on in my life. 

Right now, Trevor is in the midst of studying for CPA exams and so almost every waking moment is spent studying for these exams or working in the tax lab or finishing up class work for his last semester in his masters program. Trevor is usually pretty good about taking breaks and escaping into nature with me and Cooper. This winter we had 3 snow days up in Logan and as you might imagine - TONS of snow to go with it. So we've tried to take advantage of all the xc skiing before all of the snow melted. 

I used to dread winter, before I started xc skiing. It was nearly impossible to enjoy the outdoors and was so difficult to get around in my wheelchair. But skiing has totally transformed winter for me and I actually really enjoy nature in the winter. 

Winter can still wear on me though, I love being outdoors and in sunlight. So all these short days and minimal sunlight can be a bit of a downer. So my mom, sister and I decided to escape for a girls weekend to Paradise Valley, AZ. And let me tell you in the middle of a cold winter, it really was paradise. Between our morning pool time, afternoon workouts and fabulous dinners on the outdoor patio, it definitely lived up to it's theme #treatyoself2017 

We stayed up talking until 2 A.M. the first night, but we still wanted to maximize our pool time so I ended up falling asleep on the pool floaty. There I was awkwardly passed out and floating into people in the pool. Meanwhile, Kaaren and Laura were by the poolside eating lunch and laughing at me. We left the resort a few times, but every time we came back we questioned why we ever left in the first place because we loved it so much. If you are ever looking for a weekend getaway the JW Marriot Scottsdale Camelback Inn Resort will not disappoint. It was the perfect girls weekend filled with endless conversations and laugher because lets be honest, if you hang out with Kaaren there is bound to be laughter.

We can't forget our dog child, Cooper. He really is our child. Cooper turned two this month and people told me he'd grow out of the playful puppy stage around this time, but he hasn't. And I don't even mind. He is a bit needy, but I have to remember I got him when I was single and avoiding men. Cooper really did get a lot of attention as a puppy. My mom even refers to him as her dog grandchild and my whole family might be a little excessively in love with him. So it's not all Cooper's fault, we really do encourage his needy behavior sometimes. Taking Cooper xc skiing with us really was the best. One week we couldn't take him because his paw was bleeding and it broke my heart when I saw other dogs out on the trail. So you better bet we bought doggy paw protectors and took him with us the next time - HE LOVED IT. He would sprint ahead and then run back to us and frolic in the giant snow banks. Making Cooper happy makes me happy, that's what it's like to have a real child right? So that's why Cooper is our dog-child. I know this is probably an unhealthy relationship, but I'm conscious of it so it's fine. 

Other than that January was a little crazy with a handful of speaking engagements. I've really come to embrace sharing my story and speaking. Sometimes it can be overwhelming with everything else going on in life, but January was good. I was a little exhausted after teaching all day and then speaking at night. I'm continually being reminded that Cache Valley is so interconnected. I'm constantly meeting people and making connections of who is related to who etc. It can be fun and exhausting trying to remember them all. But I really do love that about the "small town" feel of Cache Valley. I know we are really going to miss that when we move. Trevor will graduate in May and my school year will finish in June. We knew our time in Logan had an expiration date when we moved into our first apartment together. But there will be a lot that I miss about Logan, Trevor studying all the time will not be one of them. 

 I officially became Mrs. Brittany Fisher Frank after a trip down to the Social Security Office in Ogden. Trevor used to joked with me the first time we dated about me becoming his B.F.F. Now it's official. Sitting in the room waiting to change my name made me even more grateful for Trevor. This world is CRA-ZY or maybe just the Ogden Social Security office is, but either way it just made me so grateful for everything - especially Trevor. I know I've been complaining about all of his studying lately, but he's been working so hard and going above and beyond in everything he does. 

And that's been life lately. Nothing too exciting or out of the ordinary. Social media has this way of only displaying the highlights in our lives. But I want to remember that life isn't just about the mountain tops or peaks in our lives, it's the walking in between.

SIMPLIFY in 2017

Two Thousand Sixteen was NOTHING like I planned. From getting back together with Trevor to my anniversary rappel at Cougar Cliffs to our family trip to Europe & oh getting engaged and married - it's been quite the year! Just shortly after the new year Trevor & I had our "first date" - for the second time. You know how the Chinese calendar has the year or the cow, year of the pig etc.? Well 2016 was the year of the Trevor. Since about the second week of January 2016, it has been all about Trevor. Reconnecting, dating, getting engaged, planning a wedding and starting our new life together back in Logan.

(don't mind our moody dog-child)

This past year I've been trying to find balance in my life. I attempted to balance a full-time teaching job, trying to train full-time for xc skiing, regular speaking engagements, balancing my role as a wife and dog-mom. I've been slacking on my blog this last year because I was trying to balance all these different roles and responsibilites. After lots of thinking and prioritizing I've decided to just SIMPLIFY.

The first step to simplifying was to let go of what wasn't bringing me joy and that started with competitive skiing. As I've been thinking through my long term life goals, I realized competitive skiing was doing nothing for me.

The best way to live a meaningful and connected life was to and to do just that - live. I will definitely continue to ski, but the stress of training and skiing competitively was not bringing me joy. I know my identity doesn't lie in my role as an athlete. Skiing and mountain boarding brings me joy, but not at a high level of intensity. And with a full time job, husband and dog, as well as regular speaking engagements and numerous failed attempts at writing - I just didn't have enough hours in the day. I still make daily exercise a priority because it always has and always will keep me sane.

Trevor & I talked a lot about consistency before the new year. We often set goals based on things we plan on doing every day or a certain number times a month. And while I think it's important to write down specific goals, I also want to remained balanced. And in order to remain balanced we need to simplify. That is where this years theme comes in:

SIMPLIFY IN 2017

So often people make these extravagant new years goals & lists. But this theme truly simplifies it all. In this simplified 2017 we want to be consistent. Consistent with our prayers and scripture study. We want to be consistent friends. We want to consistently be serving and loving others. We want to consistently work out, attend the temple and try new recipes. With consistency there is balance and with balance there must be simplicity. 

This year I want to live a simplified and balanced life, but the best way to do that is to be consistent is to not try and overwhelm ourselves by starting a bunch of large ambitious goals all at once. Our actions may start small, but with all of our actions we want to be consistent and intentional.

Here's just a little recap of my past themes:

BEING BOLD IN 2009

RECKLESS in 2010

SOPHISTICATED in 2011

AUDACIOUS in 2012

LIMITLESS in 2013

RESTARTING in 2014

AUTHENTIC in 2015

PERSEVERING in 2016

SIMPLIFY IN 2017

And now for a recap of 2016: The year of the Trevor.

JANUARY 

Lots of cross country skiing & started secretly dating Trevor.

FEBRURARY

More skiing, secretly dating & surprising my mom. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCtBqVbhpxk/

MARCH
My 4th anniversary rappel.

APRIL
 Mountain boarded my first marathon, landed a job in Logan & got engaged.

MAY
 Surgery, wedding planning & our family trip to Europe.

JUNE
 More wedding planning, bridal showers, speaking engagements & moving up to Logan. 

JULY
 Wedding month, Hawaii and a trip back home to Chicago.

AUGUST
 After lots of traveling we finally got settled in our new apartment, had time for a little summer fun & then we both started school. 

SEPTEMBER
 Lots of teaching & studying with a trip up to Jackson Hole as the support van for Braden in the LOTOJA.

OCTOBER
 More teaching & studying - with a family trip down to St. George to see my dad run in the marathon.

 

NOVEMBER
 Tried to stay healthy in the midst of teaching 2nd graders with some speaking mixed in between.

(Cubbies won the World Series)

DECEMBER
 Bought our first Christmas tree & celebrated the holidays with our families. 

TWENTY-SIX

Do you have a favorite birthday?

That question may seem silly or childish. But for me I definitely have a favorite birthday - no competition. Five years ago on this exact date I was running around crazy on my 21st birthday. When I say "running around crazy" - I mean literally RUNNING. I don't exactly remember when the idea set in, but I decided what better way to celebrate my 21st birthday than by running 21 miles - totally logical and normal right? It was my first and last official "birthday miles". It was my absolute FAVORITE birthday. The day was spent doing what I loved - running. I've said it before, but I'm definitely an outgoing introvert. I loved my time alone, but I also loved my time visiting and celebrating with friends.

Are you allowed to feel sad on your birthday? Now this isn't a cry for help or pity; it's just me being honest. My birthday in Logan reminds me of my 21st birthday and the 21 miles I spent running around the valley. If I could have ONE birthday wish it would be to run my "birthday miles". If I could have ANYTHING in the whole world that would be it. I found a quote awhile back that helped me realize it's okay to feel grief and sadness.

"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.You will be whole again, but you will never be the same" -Elizabeth Kulber-Ross

I think holidays and special occasions are especially hard for those who have experienced loss. And while my loss in not the loss of someONE it was a loss of someTHING I loved dearly - running. So I'm realizing that it's only natural that I experiences these waves of grief and sadness around these "special times" AKA my birthday. For you it may be the approaching holidays or a special date during the year. Regardless of the day and the loss the grief comes and goes.  I'm learning to embrace the grief instead of shunning the sorrow. As I've embraced the feelings associated with grief, I've also been able to experience more joy.

My 24th year was a year full of growth. I blogged about the 24 things I learned HERE. And now as I look back over my 25th year, I can't believe how much more growth, learning and change has occurred! I definitely haven't blogged as much this year. Between the wedding, being a wife, a full-time teacher and "wannabe" full-time athlete - it's been a little busy. I was going to post 25 lessons I've learned in my 25th year to keep up the tradition, but let's be honest, right now I just don't have time for that. Plus I'm trying to learn to keep these blog posts short and sweet.

Five years since my favorite birthday and I still choose to celebrate life - the good, the bad and everything in between - both today and everyday. There is no way I could have ever imagined this life I'm living now.  One of the main lessons I've learned this year is that God's plan and timing is so much better than what we can plan or imagine. Although I won't be out on the trails running 26 miles like I imagined 5 years ago, you better bet I'll still be outside exercising.

CHEERS TO 25 YEARS AND NOW ONTO 26!

Sharing Our Stories

Life has been a bit crazy the last few months. I'm learning to find balance in this new stage of life between teaching, training, and getting back into speaking and writing.  I was waiting to post until I finished my thank you cards, but I decided since they are half way done I'm going to post anyway, and even though my blog makeover isn't finished yet either.  

Story telling can come in many shapes and sizes. This blog is my form of story telling. But stories can also be told through music and art, pictures and videos, books and speeches. I'm including our wedding video here in this post to display an art and form of story telling through music and videos. It's definitely not a picture perfect video because we are not perfect. My crutches make their appearance in the videos and pictures because that is real life and that is part of the story. I'll post more of the wedding late but for right now I want to talk about sharing our stories.

Wedding Day

Sometimes I get going on these YouTube kicks. I become interested in a topic or person and I just keep clicking on video after video. The other morning my kick was Lin-Manuel Miranda. Many of you may know him as a actor, a writer and composer of the Broadway Musical Hamilton. My brother has been recently obsessed with the musical and sparked my interest. While watching many of his various interviews and videos, I came across his commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania. His speech captivated me, but it wasn't until the end that he spoke about sharing our stories.

"Your stories are essential. Moments when...someone will thank you for telling your story because it resonated with their own." 

His words resonated with me right then and there. There have been numerous stories and quotes that have resonated with me. After another surgery in 2014 I read Stephanie Nielson's book  Heaven is Here. While our accidents and stories are different some of the feelings we experience were similar. This passage really resonated with me and inspired me to share my experience with grief and helped spark my own story telling. She wrote:

“Considering the reality of my own – had left me reeling, devastated to my core. The emotional weight of it was crushing, but I chose not to share it with anyone. I didn’t even know where I’d even begin, but more than that I didn’t want to share how vulnerable I felt. I had already been stripped of any physical independence; I wanted to prove that I could handle the emotional challenges on my own. It was a lonely choice, and the beginning of a lonely road.”

 Since then, I've had numerous people share with me their own personal experiences and stories with me. They shared because something I wrote resonated with their own story and feelings. And that is why I write, that is why I share not only "my story", but my stories, and to connect with other people and inspire them to share their stories and experiences.

Often when I'm asked to speak they just ask me to share "my story". I always know what they mean, they are asking me to share the story that started with my accident. Well our lives are not just one chapter stories. My story did not begin with "the accident" and it did not end once I was discharged from the hospital. Our lives are comprised of stories and moments, chapters and seasons. Some seasons are filled with joy and laughter while others are filled with sorrow and pain. There are moments when we may feel like we are on cruise control just going about life and other times when we feel as thought we are spinning out of control or in the midst of never ending change or challenge.

"If a story is in you, it has to come out."  

William Faulkner

I don't believe there is just one story in me that has to come out and that is why I continue to blog. There are many stories and moments of learning that I try to take the time to sit down and sort through my thoughts and feelings. 

"I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say."  

 Flannery O'Conner

"I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it. We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand." 

 C.S. Lewis

Both of these quotes resonated with me. I don't start off writing knowing exactly what I am going to say. I start off writing because I have a feeling or quote that resonates with me and I need to write to sort through all of my thoughts and emotions to make sense of it all. Maybe sometimes, or all the time, I don't make any sense of it all. 

"It's important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story."  

 Iyanla Vanzant

And I think this last quote is my favorite of them all because of the truth she speaks! It's so important that we share our "stories" and experiences. It wasn't until I began writing down "my story" that I began to find the most healing in my life after my accident. It wasn't until I was vulnerable and shared my grief and sorrow, that I began to heal and move forward. Through this process I've realized many of our stories don't begin with a traumatic accident, or the traumatic experience. You don't have to have experienced trauma to have a story to tell. We all have stories to share and as Lin-Manuel reminded me, our stories are ESSENTIAL!

By telling our stories we are taking control. When we share our stories we are claiming our experiences instead of allowing our experiences to claim us.  Instead of trying to suppress or ignore what has happened or what is going on, we need to claim our stories! When we finally claim them and begin to share them with others we begin to put them in the past and begin to shape our future - futures that we decide on. We choose how our stories will define and shape us. That experience, season or chapter (whatever you want to call it) is only ONE piece of our stories. 

Find a way to share your story. Sometimes that means just talking with a friend, other times it speaking in front of hundreds of people. You may share your story through music or art, a journal or video. But regardless of how you tell your story, you must find a way to share it. Your stories matter because you matter. 

Summer 2016

I've needed to do a photo dump for the summer for a long time now. Two years later I'm going back & trying to throw some pictures together and memories. I'll back date this post though so it pops up in order. I learned how to do that the other month and it's made all the difference in just getting posts done!

My mom came out to help me with wedding planning and we had time for a little fun strolling around temple square. 

One of my best friends, Alyssa, got married in Nashville the weekend before our wedding. Don't mind the fact that Trevor forgot a belt - haha. It was so fun to celebrate with these two and have anniversaries that are one week apart. 

Titanic pose was the theme of the summer so keep an eye out for more.

I grew up with Logan and his older sister, Joc, is one of my best friends. Logan was involved in a car accident that was pretty traumatic and we had the chance to stop by and see him while in Nashville for the wedding.

I've posted wedding pictures before but I'll just put a couple other in here. Shelby got in after midnight the night before my wedding and still woke up to go on a run with me before all the wedding shenanigans started. 

It's a small world, but once I knew I was getting married in Logan I reached out to Tia. She had been my physical therapy assistant in Logan when I'd first returned to school after my accident. I knew she did wedding and make up and now she is the queen of weddings and HMU in Cache Valley.

We started our Honeymoon off in Kauai - getting burnt.

Waimea Canyon is a favorite. I'd been before with my family so I knew I wanted to bring Trevor.

We took a boat tour of Napali Coast. I'm no professional photographer so my pictures don't do it justice, but you can google way better pictures of Napali Coast.

The last thing we did while on Kauai was the ATV tour. Last time the had ATV that I was able to drive with my hands, but they'd switched those out so Trevor got to do all the driving. It was still quite the muddy adventure.

Then we popped over to Oahu to show Trevor some sights and to visit CLIMB Works.

Titanic pose at it again.

While at CLIMB Works I got to see Nick & Ashley and their sweet girls. I worked for CLIMB Works back in the summer of 2011, before my accident, and learned so much from my experiences out at their Tennessee location where it all began.

Rosie & Steph were able to make it to the wedding, but we got to see Mike, Adam & Kristin too! It was a pretty quick Sunday visit, but so great to see them all. We got to see Jesse & his cute family too. CLIMB Works just draws incredible people in.

We also made sure to get in a tour at Pearl Harbor and the Polynesian Cultural Center.

There are a lot of hikes that we missed out on because they aren't wheelchair friendly, but the Lighthouse Trail was paved all the way to the top.

We met up with the Murray's at church & then snuck off to the Laie Temple & a few North Shore beaches. 

The week after our Honeymoon we flew back to Naperville for a little open house at my parents place. It was so great to see old friends and have a reason to all get together. One of Trevor's best friends wasn't able to make it to the wedding, but they came to the open house in Naperville since the were doing an internship in the Midwest for the summer. 

Marriage had "BEAN" really great. 

We spent August getting my classroom ready & taking advantage of a few weeks to camp & spend time in Bear Lake teaching Cooper how to swim. 

S'mores for breakfast, lunch & dinner. 

Teaching Cooper how to swim.

Before school started back up, I went down to my old physical therapists at Neuroworxs. They asked me to come in and help demo a knew robotic walking machine called the Indego. I really loved how it felt to fully weight bear through my legs

Trevor spent many hours and days helping me get my classroom ready for school to start.