Connecting the Dots

Have you ever done one of those connect the dot worksheets? There's numbered dots all over the pages and you have to connect all the dots to make a picture. At first the lines seem so random and sporadic and you wonder how those lines will ever make a picture. And then slowly, but surely you start to see something take shape. You're not sure what exactly, but you have hope that it's not just a bunch of random lines. With more time and more dots connected you start to see the picture and you can guess what the dots are making and start to predict which direction the next numbered dot will be. 

Well, that is how my life has been feeling lately. The last few years I've been connecting dots all over the place. They all felt random and sporadic, but nevertheless each one lead me along to the next dot or place in life I was supposed to be. I moved back to Utah to go back to school to become a Child Life Specialist. I thought I knew where my dots where finally going. I thought I could see what my picture was turning into and then the dot seemed to slowly head in another direction. Now with more time I see why my dots needed to take a different turn. I thought my dots were heading west for a new career path and more education, but instead it got me back to Utah so I could discover sit-skiing and start speaking and sharing my story again. I've shared this before, but there came a time were I started declining speaking engagements. And moving back to Utah I wasn't ready to start speaking again, but slowly with time I was asked again and again. It happened so slowly that I didn't even realize it. Next thing I knew almost a year and a half later I was sometimes speaking  as much as 3-4 times a week. That was definitely exhausting on top of a full-time job, taking care of Cooper, training and just life in general!

After graduation so many people were asking me what next? I had spent so many months plowing through school in the midst of physical rehabilitation. I was just ready for a break and ready for the questions to stop. I pulled myself far away from teaching because I was not ready for the responsibility and stress. But with a few years time I found my dots twisting and turning all over the place. They took me past another degree and certification as well as Master's programs etc. Finally my dots have brought me back to teaching. It's funny how connecting the dots always seem to surprise you and keep you guessing, sometimes even making you feeling like it's a wrong dot and decision in life. 

I'm finally excited to teach again. It took me a few years to get there again, but I had a few extra curve balls to handle on my way there. The past few years have been filled with a lot of learning and stretching. At one moment I'm being taught patience and pain and the next faith and endurance. I kept thinking I've finish learning a lesson, but before I've finished a new lesson starts. Depression, grief and forgiveness were some of the most brutal teachers. They were relentless and honest leaving me exhausted at the end of each day. And if those lessons weren’t hard enough to live through I then went through a season where God taught me about vulnerability and authenticity. Where I shared and relived some of those difficult lessons and tests I went through. They were lessons I never wanted to think about, let alone talk about, ever again. Now I know there are still many seasons in life I will pass through and many more lessons to learn, but I'm ready to start being the teacher. I've been learning from the best teacher these past few years, Heavenly Father. He is honest and just as well compassionate and understanding. Although my courses were difficult he customized each lesson for me to maximize my understanding and learning. He stretched me in ways I did not know I could and he believed in me. Even during the darkest times when He silently watched me struggle through some of the tests. He still believed in me and knew I could do it, I just had to find out for myself. 

I finally decided on my theme for 2016. 

Persevering in 2016. 

I looked up the definition of persevere and loved it: to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.  My favorite part of looking up definitions though is the synonyms: persist, continue, carry on, go on, keep going, struggle on, be determined, see something through, keep at it, press on, not take no for an answer, be tenacious, stand one’s ground, stand firm, hold on, go the distance, stay the course, stop at nothing, stick it out, hang in there.

All of these synonyms express how I’ve been feeling lately, determined as I persist and carry on.  We’ll never finish connecting our dots in this life, which means our picture is always changing and evolving. We may be able to see for a period of time where the picture is going and where our lives are headed, but then suddenly the dots cut across the picture completely surprising us and changing our plans. I hope as you look back at your connected dots you realize how important every decision and dot has been that led you to where you are. And don’t stress too much about guessing and trying to figure out where your dots are taking you and what they are making. Just follow in faith one dot to the next, knowing that there is one watching over you who knows where He is directing you.  He is in the midst of making a beautiful and ever changing masterpiece.