Today as I sit in the sun while my baby naps, I can finally reflect on winter. In the moment, it felt as though winter would never end and so there was no way I was going to write and post about it. This past winter was rough, last year I was in the midst of newborn survival and didn't know any better. But this year we struggled to find the right routine. I knew the outdoors still had to be apart of our daily routine for my sanity and health. Typically we go somewhere or do something around 10:30 AM - most of the time it was just taking Cooper out for a walk to play at our spot. Sometimes it was still too cold to take Cooper out and then by the time Will takes his afternoon nap, it was almost dark again.
Saturday's were my saving grace. On Saturday we'd get outside and ski. Sometimes it was for a race and other times just for fun. Cross-country skiing outside helped me appreciate the beauty of nature, even in the bitter cold. Snow covered mountains really are so beautiful, but when you're stuck inside with a baby-toddler most days it can wear on you.
But I can proudly say that we got outside every day - rain, shine, snow or slush.
But I can proudly say that we got outside every day - rain, shine, snow or slush.
Fun fact about spinal cord injuries: we don't get good circulation. I'm not sure if it's only due to lack of motion and movement to get the blood pumping through our paralyzed limbs. But this makes winter even more unbearable because my feet can never get warm. Each night during Will's bath I'd put my feet in a soak them in the warmth, slowly color would return to my purple feet. Before Will had even fallen asleep, my feet are splotchy purple again.
"The way of essentialism mean living by DESGIN, not by DEFAULT."
attended college.
But as I looked at my purple feet the other night, I questioned my quality of life. I already have so many issues and complications - why am I adding on cold purple feet to the problem. Then after one our our google chat book club life chats, I was chatting with a couple of dear friends that helped give me another perspective. There is a reason older people move to warmer locations. Both of these friends have lived or are living in warm climates and listed off the benefits especially for those who have physical pains & problems.
We've always said we'll go where the Lord wants us to go, but sometimes he doesn't have just one right place for us to be and so we figured if we didn't feel prompted or pushed to a particular place then we'd want to move back "home". Cache Valley truly became home for me during my years at Utah State and is where almost all of Trevor's family is located. My family on the other hand has always been all over taking multiple flights to ever get us all together in one place. But now there seems to be no so clear answer and we've started considering trying out a warmer climate while our children are young and not in school.
Right now we don't know where the Lord wants us or if he wants us to take a step of faith in a direction we think is good. Obviously there has to be the right job for Trevor, but now I'm feeling torn. For now we know this little duplex is home for the summer. But we will continue to pray and think through options, jobs, quality of life, and what is best for our family.
A few years back I wrote a post about how life is like connect the dots. Sometimes we know where the next numbered dot will be and think we know the picture God is creating in our lives. But then dot #387 is all the way on the other side of the page. We thought God was making a picture of a sunny day, only to realize in hindsight he was painting a beautiful rainbow across our sky. I guess what I'm trying to say is we don't know where we are going in life.
We are trying to set goals and create our own direction, but it's hard when God's the one in change and has plans of His own. Sometimes it makes me afraid to make any decisions because what if He decides something different a month after we decide to make a big change. Moving is hard for anyone, but especially when you use a wheelchair and there aren't many accessible home options out there. I know we were truly blessed and led to find our little home we are in now & I am continually reminding myself to be content with where I am now.
But I also need to remember what I spoke on the other month about divine discontent and THIS talk where Michelle Craig shared:
"Divine discontent comes when we compare “what we are[to] what we have the power to become.”
Each of us, if we are honest, feels a gap between where and who we are, and where and who we want to become. We yearn for greater personal capacity.
We have these feelings because we are daughters and sons of God, born with the Light of Christ yet living in a fallen world. These feelings are God given and create an urgency to act."
But she also hit the nail on the head about the paralyzing fear I've been experiencing lately and how discontent can be DIVINE or DESTRUCTIVE.
A few years back I wrote a post about how life is like connect the dots. Sometimes we know where the next numbered dot will be and think we know the picture God is creating in our lives. But then dot #387 is all the way on the other side of the page. We thought God was making a picture of a sunny day, only to realize in hindsight he was painting a beautiful rainbow across our sky. I guess what I'm trying to say is we don't know where we are going in life.
We are trying to set goals and create our own direction, but it's hard when God's the one in change and has plans of His own. Sometimes it makes me afraid to make any decisions because what if He decides something different a month after we decide to make a big change. Moving is hard for anyone, but especially when you use a wheelchair and there aren't many accessible home options out there. I know we were truly blessed and led to find our little home we are in now & I am continually reminding myself to be content with where I am now.
But I also need to remember what I spoke on the other month about divine discontent and THIS talk where Michelle Craig shared:
"Divine discontent comes when we compare “what we are[to] what we have the power to become.”
Each of us, if we are honest, feels a gap between where and who we are, and where and who we want to become. We yearn for greater personal capacity.
We have these feelings because we are daughters and sons of God, born with the Light of Christ yet living in a fallen world. These feelings are God given and create an urgency to act."
But she also hit the nail on the head about the paralyzing fear I've been experiencing lately and how discontent can be DIVINE or DESTRUCTIVE.
“We should welcome feelings of divine discontent that call us to a higher way, while recognizing and avoiding Satan’s counterfeit—paralyzing discouragement. This is a precious space into which Satan is all too eager to jump. We can choose to walk the higher path that leads us to seek for God and His peace and grace, or we can listen to Satan, who bombards us with messages that we will never be enough: rich enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, anything enough.
Our discontent can become divine—or destructive.
Divine discontent motivates us to follow the example of the Savior, “who went about doing good.”8 As we walk the path of discipleship, we will receive spiritual nudges to reach out to others.”
So who knows if we will experience another Utah winter or if we'll move. But as my feet lay warm in the sun I'm just happy that winter is over and that my feet aren't cold all the time. It's kind of like pregnancy you forget how uncomfortable it is once it's over & then you start thinking oh I could do that again. Regardless,
it's time for a new season!
So who knows if we will experience another Utah winter or if we'll move. But as my feet lay warm in the sun I'm just happy that winter is over and that my feet aren't cold all the time. It's kind of like pregnancy you forget how uncomfortable it is once it's over & then you start thinking oh I could do that again. Regardless,
it's time for a new season!
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