Normally as this time of the
year approaches, I start to think about the accident and plan some way to
celebrate being alive. But after last years reenactment, I found closure. I went back and
claimed the experience that changed my life. The word that kept coming to mind
last year was: FREE. After that rappel I felt so free - free from the accident
and my injuries. Free from everything that had been holding me back. And so
this year as March 12th approached I remembered, but my mind didn't seem to
dwell on all the events that March 12th holds. I realized that the reason
I used to write so consistently was because I was in the midst of learning so
many new lessons including coping with the grief and change I was experiencing
in my life. I wrote because I was still processing it all; I wrote to find
healing and understanding.
Now that I've found that healing and understanding in my life I don't have any
new realizations in my life at this 5 year anniversary. But I did remember a
significant lesson I learned within the first few days after my accident.
Before March 2012 life seemed to be going my way in every way- emotionally, socially, spiritually and physically. But I was in a stage of life where I knew God had a specific purpose for me and I was trying to seek out His direction. I wanted to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I wanted to teach others about the joy that I experienced from knowing God and Jesus Christ. My prayers revolved around serving a mission, but for some reason I kept getting a giant NO of an answer. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't want me to dedicate this time to serving and teaching about Him. After months and months of struggle, I finally accepted His will for me and decided not to go. Then I began to ask Him about my work opportunities for the upcoming summer. I still felt like God had a specific purpose for me, but I couldn't figure out where he wanted me to go. I had two incredible jobs lined up and my heart was pulling me in both directions, but I had to choose. I prayed and prayed and didn't received any answers until I came across this scripture in D&C 62:5
“…As seemeth you good, it mattereth not unto me; only be faithful and
declare glad tidings unto the inhabitants of the earth…”
At the time I thought I understood that it didn't matter which job I took, as long as I continued to serve God and remain close to Him. What I didn't know then, was that God had a completely different mission in store and it truly "mattereth not" which one I chose because less than a month later I was involved in the accident that changed the course of my life forever. When I was paralyzed, I was called on a new mission. I've learned that His plan for me involved a lifelong mission that allows me to speak to hundreds and thousands of youth, young adults, adults and countless strangers.
Often times people ask me:
Didn't you have a bad feeling before the accident?
My sure answer is NO. In fact, those moments right before my accident were some of the most peaceful beautiful moments I can think of in my 21 years of experience. I sat on the red rocks looking up at the night sky in complete awe of it's beauty and serenity. Just moments before my life was forever changed, I was overwhelmed with peace.
I have come to learn that God does not make "bad things" happen, but sometimes He ALLOWS them to happen.
I know God had a specific mission in store for me and this accident is a part of my mission. While a lot of pain and grief have come from my accident, even more JOY has followed. Not only does God have a specific plan for me, but He has one for you too. Sometimes our prayers are not answered the way we want because He has a different plan in mind.
1,826 days
1,826 days since I last ran or jumped around on my own two feet. 1,826 days filled with neuropathic pain. 1,826 days of intense muscle spasms. 1,826 days of small steps and hard work. Some days were filled with grief and sadness others were filled with resilience and determination. Some passed painfully slow others flew by in a blur. Seasons of sorrow were folled by seasons of joy, but in the end I'm still me. We each have the same 24 hours in a day, it's not as much WHAT has happened to me. It's about how I've chosen to react and move forward. In these past 1,826 days I student taught and graduated from college ON TIME. In these past 1,826 days I commuted and spent endless hours for physical therapy. I worked 4 different jobs and finally ended up teaching again. I brought home Cooper and become a dog mom. In the past 1,826 days I found my passion for exercise and the outdoors again cross country skiing. In the past 1,826 days dates I dated, broke up, dated and married Trevor. These 1,826 days I've travel everywhere from Hawaii to San Fransico and the African continent and all the way across Europe. The past 1,826 days may not have been filled with running, but those days have been filled with just as much adventure. The past 1,826 days have been filled with just as much joy, love and laughter.