Two Goods & A Bad

When I was 21, I went through an identity crisis. People talk about quarter life crisis' and other life crisis' but this is different. I'm talking about a complete loss of self. I've talked about it before but looking down at my swollen, lifeless, cut up and bruised legs in the hospital, I wondered what was left. I wondered who am I, what am I without running?  If I wasn't a running, rock climbing, adventurous college athlete, who am I?

I was literally stripped of everything I thought my identity was, actually I was literally stripped too, and given a classy looking hospital gown, but that's not the point. Most people never have to strip off all the layers they cover themselves in and look themselves in they eye and face who they truly are. We cover ourselves and our true identities up with our careers, the sports we play or enjoy, activities we spend our time on, clothes we cover our bodies in or the hair color framing our faces. But none of those are truly apart of your identity. It may be what you do or what you look like, but they are not who you are!

My Angels

I believe in angels, both here on earth and in heaven. And I'm fortunate enough to have two in my family. My mother is one of a kind, anyone who knows Kaaren loves her - she's a hoot. That is literally the best way to describe any experience with her, she's just a hoot.

"There are few things more powerful than the prayers of a righteous mother."

-Boyd K. Packer-

"You're Cute, You'll Be Okay"

Over these past three years I've heard it all. Comments that are flat out idiotic, all they way to some of the most genuine and sincere compliments. Now I won't dive into them all because there are far too many. But there's been one reoccurring comment that's been constant through the years.

When I went back to school I saw a physical therapist up in Logan for pain management. There was a fellow patient I crossed paths with quite often. He would always say to me: "you're going to be okay" or "things are going to work out for you". I never really knew exactly what he meant, but I would always laugh it off. One day my physical therapist told me that she asked him what he meant every time he made those comments. And he told her something along the lines of: she's cute she'll be okay, someone will see how pretty she is and they will take care of her. But all I heard was good thing you're cute because if not no one would want a girl in a wheelchair and walker.

Just the other day a fellow asked me why I used the board I was on, he didn't realize I was paralyzed. And once again the conversation ended the back-handed compliment of you're cute so you'll be okay.

The more time that passes the more people I meet that never knew me before my accident. The Brittany in a wheelchair is the only Brittany they know. They've never known the reckless, adventure-seeking, energetic girl. Sometimes I wonder when people meet me if they think I've been in a wheelchair my whole life. Not that it really matters, but I experienced 21 years of life with full-functioning legs. I've run thousands upon thousands of miles. I know what it's like and now I live every day in a body that feels foreign to me.