Before the packed up and moved to the South we took them to Bear Lake, one of our favorite sports in Northern Utah <3. We are sure going to miss the Clayton's.
Bear Lake
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Laura & Christian accepted jobs working for EY in Dallas, TX so we will no longer be a drive away from each other. The last year has been a little busy with CPA exams, working & finishing up school between the the four of us. So we haven't had many opportunities to get together, but it was comforting to know that we were only a 2 hour drive away. Now they're going to be a 3 hour flight away.
Before the packed up and moved to the South we took them to Bear Lake, one of our favorite sports in Northern Utah <3. We are sure going to miss the Clayton's.
Before the packed up and moved to the South we took them to Bear Lake, one of our favorite sports in Northern Utah <3. We are sure going to miss the Clayton's.
OH B O Y!
Friday, August 4, 2017
We'll incase you missed the announcement:
Cooper is getting a little brother coming November 2017
I've been in denial for about the first half of this pregnancy. Part of it was I just didn't expect this all to happen so soon. I had complications that we planned on being in this journey for the long haul. After many trips to the ER over the past few years & finally some answers and a surgery last May, I felt at peace about it all and just told myself that with faith and God's timing it will come together when it's supposed to. Well someone upstairs thinks he's funny or knows what he is doing because either way this lil nugget is making his debut the beginning of November whether we're ready or not.
May & June: Finally May came and I felt like I'd normalized. I didn't need constant naps and burgers and Trevor finished his masters & two more CPA exams. After our first ultrasound appointment I finally believed I was pregnant, but right after the appointment was done I went back into "denial".
But with everyone coming into town for Trevor's graduation I knew we needed to tell our families. All of the Masters programs at USU had their graduation ceremony on May 5th - Cinco De Mayo. So we decided the best way to surprise our families would be with a little piñata surprise at Trevor's graduation BBQ. I need to find and take a picture of the creepy plastic babies Trevor wanted to fill the piñata with because they are absolutely ridiculous. The piñata was stuffed with these plastic babies, baby confetti, pink and blue rattles along with some candy and of course - the ultrasound pictures. At the beginning of June I finished up my first year teaching 2nd grade. We took the summer off between summer speaking engagements, moving, travel and just enjoying being together with a little break from CPA studies we kept plenty busy and the summer has flown by.
February and March: The Cheeseburger Months. I don't really eat red meat at all, but for some reason I was constantly craving cheeseburgers - not a huge 1/4 pounder, just a simple kids burger. Before I knew I was pregnant I just thought I deficient in some nutrient found in red meat. So during February and March we made lots of burger stops, which Trevor had no complaints about. Also I can't believe I had the energy for it but somewhere between the napping and eating I kept up on my mountain boarding and "ran" the Salt Lake City Marathon in March. Braden was able to ride as my "support team" and it's always fun to see such dear friends.
March & April: The Napping Months. There was excessive napping and fatigue which made April & March a bit of a drag. I would teach all day and come home nap, eat, try to exercise and early to bed. Life was really exciting, as you might imagine. Trevor was in the midst of CPA exams so his study schedule was quite rigorous. He'd study late and I'd fall asleep by 9/9:30 PM.
In March, right around when we figured out I was pregnant, I was in the midst of job interviews for a new school district. I was offered the job the same day I did one phone interview and after driving down and meeting with the staff I immediately felt like it was a good fit. But I had just found out I was pregnant a couple weeks before and struggling with what to do. I found myself confiding in a complete stranger, the principal, as I tried to weigh my options. Originally the job offer was for a full-time teaching position. Then she offered me a part-time job teaching position, as well as numerous other options. But in the end I realized that there was so much uncertainty and learning ahead of me. Just learning to balance my life between wheelchair, walker and crutches has taken me almost 4 years and so I can only imagine my learning curve for motherhood.
Around mile 10 Trevor was waiting for me with Cooper. Cooper was so needy and right when I stopped he started crawling up on my lap. What a goofball.
March & April: The Napping Months. There was excessive napping and fatigue which made April & March a bit of a drag. I would teach all day and come home nap, eat, try to exercise and early to bed. Life was really exciting, as you might imagine. Trevor was in the midst of CPA exams so his study schedule was quite rigorous. He'd study late and I'd fall asleep by 9/9:30 PM.
In March, right around when we figured out I was pregnant, I was in the midst of job interviews for a new school district. I was offered the job the same day I did one phone interview and after driving down and meeting with the staff I immediately felt like it was a good fit. But I had just found out I was pregnant a couple weeks before and struggling with what to do. I found myself confiding in a complete stranger, the principal, as I tried to weigh my options. Originally the job offer was for a full-time teaching position. Then she offered me a part-time job teaching position, as well as numerous other options. But in the end I realized that there was so much uncertainty and learning ahead of me. Just learning to balance my life between wheelchair, walker and crutches has taken me almost 4 years and so I can only imagine my learning curve for motherhood.
But with everyone coming into town for Trevor's graduation I knew we needed to tell our families. All of the Masters programs at USU had their graduation ceremony on May 5th - Cinco De Mayo. So we decided the best way to surprise our families would be with a little piñata surprise at Trevor's graduation BBQ. I need to find and take a picture of the creepy plastic babies Trevor wanted to fill the piñata with because they are absolutely ridiculous. The piñata was stuffed with these plastic babies, baby confetti, pink and blue rattles along with some candy and of course - the ultrasound pictures. At the beginning of June I finished up my first year teaching 2nd grade. We took the summer off between summer speaking engagements, moving, travel and just enjoying being together with a little break from CPA studies we kept plenty busy and the summer has flown by.
#MaccDaddy was our favorite hashtag of the day
The past 6 months have been a whirlwind. I'll post about our trip during June and July in another post because SE Asia in a wheelchair is quite the adventure. Finally around 22 weeks I've hit the point were this whole pregnancy dealio started to become real. Especially on our flight back from Thailand, it started to become more difficult for me to sit up. Overall though, time has flown by and I've been in denial up until the last few weeks. We're not very good at documenting, but maybe when I have a real bump we'll try and take a few more. I'm finally starting to "show" if that's what you'd call this picture:
24 weeks (I'm pretty terrible at documenting so this is my best effort)
At week 28 I'll begin to taper off my medication for my muscle spasms. This was my biggest concern about being pregnant and now with only 3 weeks left, I'm realizing that it will be here before I know it. So all prayers and positive thoughts that I can handle my crazy spastic legs without medication would be much appreciated. I haven't been able to manage my muscle spasms on my own since I was injured in 2012. And the last time I tried to go off this particular medication I went through withdrawals and even CRAZIER spasms. But either way I start tapering off in 3 weeks. I still journal plenty but I wanted to put together a little post to help document life. I have a whole little bit on motherhood, but I think I'll save that for a separate post, since I'm trying to keep these posts short and simple.
I Didn't Think Motherhood Was For Me
Thursday, August 3, 2017
I never grew up dreaming of being a mother. Of course when I was younger I assumed marriage and family would come with time, but it was never something I dreamed of or really desired. One of my concerns while dating Trevor the first time was that I knew he wanted to get married and eventually start a family. At the time that was something I didn't want at all; I wasn't in a place where I could even imagine motherhood and I really didn't even want that to be apart of my future.
Being a part of a religion and culture that focused on family and marriage, I felt out of place. But I didn't let it weigh on me because I was so focused on recovery and healing in my own life and just getting a grip on the "new" me and my "new" life. It was while I was nearing the end of my counseling and I really felt like we had worked through a lot of ISH in my life. But during one session I remember sharing my disinterest in motherhood and marriage and trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I've always felt different in that regaurd. We talked a length, but I didn't leave with a solution or new perspective.
Over the last few years, God found ways to soften my heart towards marriage and family. Not only did I become more open to these roles, but I realized that those roles as a wife and mother are a part of MY eternal and divine identity. With time and through study and prayer I began to learn more. I even started to share what I'd been learning at different speaking engagements; which only reconfirmed what I felt Heavenly Father had been teaching me.
It always amazes me that over the past 5 years and my "talks" are always changing. I never use the same talk when I speak, I use lots of the same quotes, but the focus always seems to be changing. The last few years I've been learning that I am not defined by my my physical attributes, but by the spiritual attributes. But lately my study and learning has brought me to a deeper understanding of who I am. One of my favorite quotes has helped reinforce what I felt like I was being taught at the time.
"Female roles did not begin on earth and they do not end here...by developing a mother heart, each girl and woman prepares for her divine eternal mission of motherhood."
That first sentence is where it's at - "and they do not end here". Motherhood, even before I was pregnant, brought more peace and hope into my life - knowing that motherhood has always been a part of my divine nature, purpose and identity. Sometimes the thoughts of motherhood in a wheelchair/crutches/walker brings doubts and concerns into my mind. I'm still so unsure how I will accomplish tasks that are so simple for other women. I've grieved thinking about the moments I won't get to fully enjoy with an able body - running around with my children in the yard, standing and rocking a baby in my arms, hold a toddler on my hip while I stand and walk around.
The reminder that female roles did not being here and they do not end here, helps reconfirm that I will one day have those opportunities because these females roles as wives, daughters, sisters and mothers are divine AND eternal.
I know I will have these opportunities with my limited body on earth, but also eternally with a HEALED and WHOLE body - because of Christ's Atonement and the plan of salvation these opportunities "do not end here".
I know I will have these opportunities with my limited body on earth, but also eternally with a HEALED and WHOLE body - because of Christ's Atonement and the plan of salvation these opportunities "do not end here".
Although I don't feel like the typical excited mother-to-be, I know if I love Cooper as my dog-child this much, I will definitely have more than enough of love for this lil nugget. And I take comfort in knowing that this role is apart of my divine identity and nature. So regardless of how I may be feeling from day to day, I know that it will all turn out alright because mothering is in my divine nature. I know it will still come with hard work and big learning curve, but that's what this life is all about. God has already softened and changed my heart over the years and I know that with his help I'll be able to handle motherhood regardless of my physical abilities.
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