Running from Stillness
For years I had struggled with being still. My life was nonstop, but that's the way I enjoyed it. I found my moments of peace while I ran. The most "stillness" I had in life was when I was out running for an hour or so in the mountains. That is where I found my quiet, that is where I found my peace - in running. After my accident stillness became my worst enemy. Nights were the worst; those hours of supposed stillness and rest were some of my most painful times. Nerve pain raged through my body, I was left alone for a couple hours at a time and my mind ran rampant. Then the CNA's would come in to turn and reposition my body and the nerve pain would rage on.
They did their best to keep me busy in the hospital, which was perfect for me. From 7 AM to 5 PM my schedule was filled with hourly fitness classes, physical therapy, occupational therapy, educational classes and much more. But due to all the broken bones in my lower body there were a lot of extra restrictions. Really what my body needed was healing and rest - or in other words stillness.
The weeks and months that follow my time in the hospital were filled with finishing up my spring semester classes, attending more physical therapy in the clinic and at home and even starting to walk. As I went back to school a month later I once again kept my schedule so busy attending school, student teaching & driving 3 hours 3 days a week for 2 hour physical therapy sessions helped me avoid the stillness that I was so afraid of. I kept pushing ahead, refusing to slow down or face the stillness.
For years I had literally been running from stillness and now even with a paralyzed body I was still trying to run from stillness. I started swimming and that brought an aspect of stillness into my life, like running had, but it was the kind of stillness I could handle - we'll call it exercise stillness. It was stillness on my terms.
Finding Stillness
But after I graduated, as I was trying to figure out my next steps I was faced with stillness. It was so awkward and uncomfortable for me. It made me face what I'd been running from for years, but especially all I'd been running from the past year since my accident. I didn't know how to handle the stillness until Cooper came around.
Before I'd wake up on a Sunday morning and go exercise in nature because I needed to be productive and didn't want to sit still with myself and my thoughts. But after Cooper I was able to just lay in bed for a little longer and pet Cooper. I was able to just sit outside and just sit with my thoughts in the stillness. Right now as I'm writing this Cooper is laying still at my feel - probably asleep, but still :)
Stillness brought me to my breaking point and made me face everything I'd been running from, but it also brought healing and peace into my life. Those moments of stillness helped me find answers and peace. It wasn't easy for me at first and it was extremely uncomfortable even painful at times. But being still has brought so much physical, emotional and spiritual healing into my life.
Being paralyzed hasn't made stillness easier. It still takes conscious effort to stop and find rest and peace. It's just not in my nature to want to sit still, even when my legs don't work like they used to. But stillness is so necessary for all of us to stop and look where we are going, where we've been, and maybe what we may be running from so we can truly find peace, healing and answers.
Spiritual WiFi
We live in a society now where stillness does not come about naturally. In fact it's almost praised to be so busy we don't take time to find stillness. Between balancing our daily lives of work, school, exercise, daily chores, different duties and responsibilities it's hard to make time for stillness. And then on top of that we are surrounded by social media and technology that tries to suck away any moments of stillness we may find in our day.
But here's the thing. I think when we avoid stillness and fill those moments with too much technology or social media - I think Satan is winning. He's not getting us to do anything terrible, but he's keeping us from being still, from finding peace and from connecting with our Heavenly Father. Now I'm not talking about just connecting and communicating through prayer. I'm talking about moments of stillness when an answers may come in the form of a small thought or feeling.
If Satan is able to take away our stillness he's successfully blocking us from our Heavenly Father. I almost think of it as those times when your cell reception or WiFi connection is minimal to none and you can't receive text messages of calls. When we shun or ignore stillness Satan is blocking our spiritual wifi or signal to receive messages from God.
As I think about my spiritual WiFi, I wonder how many messages never got through because my spiritual wifi was down or distracted by other things in life. I want to always be available to receive messages from God whether they be a big long text and realization or just a short simple text. I hope that you can find ways to seek out stillness in your life. It may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but as we practice stillness in our lives I know our spiritual WiFi signals can strengthen and we will can receive text messages and even phone calls with messages, peace and even answers we may be seeking.
This weekend as General Conference approaches there is an opportunity to hear messages from about about God. I want to strengthen my spiritual WiFi signal before, after and always so I can be ready to listen and receive spiritual text messages. Click HERE to find out more or visit LDS.org
They did their best to keep me busy in the hospital, which was perfect for me. From 7 AM to 5 PM my schedule was filled with hourly fitness classes, physical therapy, occupational therapy, educational classes and much more. But due to all the broken bones in my lower body there were a lot of extra restrictions. Really what my body needed was healing and rest - or in other words stillness.
The weeks and months that follow my time in the hospital were filled with finishing up my spring semester classes, attending more physical therapy in the clinic and at home and even starting to walk. As I went back to school a month later I once again kept my schedule so busy attending school, student teaching & driving 3 hours 3 days a week for 2 hour physical therapy sessions helped me avoid the stillness that I was so afraid of. I kept pushing ahead, refusing to slow down or face the stillness.
For years I had literally been running from stillness and now even with a paralyzed body I was still trying to run from stillness. I started swimming and that brought an aspect of stillness into my life, like running had, but it was the kind of stillness I could handle - we'll call it exercise stillness. It was stillness on my terms.
Finding Stillness
But after I graduated, as I was trying to figure out my next steps I was faced with stillness. It was so awkward and uncomfortable for me. It made me face what I'd been running from for years, but especially all I'd been running from the past year since my accident. I didn't know how to handle the stillness until Cooper came around.
Before I'd wake up on a Sunday morning and go exercise in nature because I needed to be productive and didn't want to sit still with myself and my thoughts. But after Cooper I was able to just lay in bed for a little longer and pet Cooper. I was able to just sit outside and just sit with my thoughts in the stillness. Right now as I'm writing this Cooper is laying still at my feel - probably asleep, but still :)
Stillness brought me to my breaking point and made me face everything I'd been running from, but it also brought healing and peace into my life. Those moments of stillness helped me find answers and peace. It wasn't easy for me at first and it was extremely uncomfortable even painful at times. But being still has brought so much physical, emotional and spiritual healing into my life.
Being paralyzed hasn't made stillness easier. It still takes conscious effort to stop and find rest and peace. It's just not in my nature to want to sit still, even when my legs don't work like they used to. But stillness is so necessary for all of us to stop and look where we are going, where we've been, and maybe what we may be running from so we can truly find peace, healing and answers.
Spiritual WiFi
We live in a society now where stillness does not come about naturally. In fact it's almost praised to be so busy we don't take time to find stillness. Between balancing our daily lives of work, school, exercise, daily chores, different duties and responsibilities it's hard to make time for stillness. And then on top of that we are surrounded by social media and technology that tries to suck away any moments of stillness we may find in our day.
But here's the thing. I think when we avoid stillness and fill those moments with too much technology or social media - I think Satan is winning. He's not getting us to do anything terrible, but he's keeping us from being still, from finding peace and from connecting with our Heavenly Father. Now I'm not talking about just connecting and communicating through prayer. I'm talking about moments of stillness when an answers may come in the form of a small thought or feeling.
If Satan is able to take away our stillness he's successfully blocking us from our Heavenly Father. I almost think of it as those times when your cell reception or WiFi connection is minimal to none and you can't receive text messages of calls. When we shun or ignore stillness Satan is blocking our spiritual wifi or signal to receive messages from God.
As I think about my spiritual WiFi, I wonder how many messages never got through because my spiritual wifi was down or distracted by other things in life. I want to always be available to receive messages from God whether they be a big long text and realization or just a short simple text. I hope that you can find ways to seek out stillness in your life. It may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but as we practice stillness in our lives I know our spiritual WiFi signals can strengthen and we will can receive text messages and even phone calls with messages, peace and even answers we may be seeking.
This weekend as General Conference approaches there is an opportunity to hear messages from about about God. I want to strengthen my spiritual WiFi signal before, after and always so I can be ready to listen and receive spiritual text messages. Click HERE to find out more or visit LDS.org