I thought I was exhausted and then as I laid down to sleep I watched this video that my sister made for my birthday and I started to cry. A good happy cry of course, but nevertheless tears were coming down my face. Watching that video all I could think about is how joyful my 24th year of life has been. So I'm going to recap my year in 24 lessons I've learned this past year. This year really has held so much growth for me it's crazy to see a list of all I've been learning. A little less than a year ago I started this blog and really started writing again. Writing again has helped heal my soul - crap I think my period is going to start soon because I'm doing that silent cry where your body shakes and the tears roll. Now when I say this year has been filled with so much joy and growth that doesn't mean I haven't experienced sorrow or frustration. But for starters here's the rockin' video my sister made:
24 Lessons I've Learned in my 24th Year of Life.
1. I've learned the difference between giving up and letting go. I've spoken to multiple groups in the past few weeks about this and I've really learned to leg go of my previous life and body. There are still days where my legs ache to run free, but I've truly learned to let my old life and body go
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2. I've learned the power of human connection and the human spirit. Doing my first 1/2 marathon helped spark and remind me of the power of the human spirit and why I loved to race and run before and why I now love speaking and sharing my experiences with others.
3. I've learned that you have to allow yourself to feel ALL of the anger and sadness in order to forgive. It does not make you a bad person for experiencing these emotions.
4. I've learned that for me forgiveness does not mean forgetting, we remember so we don't make the same mistakes again or don't allow ourselves to be hurt by others the same way again. Forgiving does not change what happened because that is in the past and cannot be changed, but it means feeling all the anger, hurt, resentment, sorrow and frustration and then compassionately letting it go. Regardless of someones individual efforts to right their wrong-doings or seek forgiveness.
4. I've learned that dogs are truly man's (or woman's) best friend. I know it sounds silly but Cooper has taught me so much about unconditional love and joy for the simplicities of life and nature. I love having an exploring buddy when I'm out mountain boarding in the canyons. He has also taught me to be still and be okay with it. I used to get so much anxiety when I wasn't going 100 mph or alway being productive. But he's taught me how to lounge around in bed on a Sunday morning and be perfectly okay with it. That dog has been a real life saver!
5. I've learned that my body does not define me. I am not my disability. I quote Russel M. Nelson all the time, but I wasn't sent to earth to see how many miles I could run or how fast I could run them. I was sent here to see how many hearts I could touch and friends, family and strangers I could lift, support and encourage. I was sent here for my bravery, authenticity, courage, strength of heart, thirst for knowledge, compassion and love for life and the outdoors and for my Savior.
6. I've learned that my wheelchair is my friend. I used to loathe my wheelchair and the way I looked in it and just about everything about it. But now with my new wheelchair I can look in the mirror and not hate what I see. I've realized that although I am walking with assistance that isn't changing for the better no matter how hard I work.
8. I've learned that family is an important and eternal unit to support you through the highs and lows. Every year seems to be filled with new challenges and I'm always setting new goals. My family never ceases to support me. They have never been absent from my life or any of my struggles.
9. I've been reminded of the healing power not only Christ's Atonement but also of nature and exercise. Running left a giant whole in my life and cross-country skiing and mountain boarding have helped fill that void in my life. In my blog Substitutions, I am reminded once again that it is not the same, but it is the closest substitute I've found. Driving to Mammoth Lakes in California was the most therapeutic drive and week of xc skiing in the mountains for my 3 year anniversary.
10. I'm learning that being a grown-up is hard and overrated. Balancing life as a young adult is extremely hard because it feels like you have to do it all on your own: school, work, cook, clean, doctors appointments, exercise, run errands, try and have a social life etc. - all on our own. I always get overwhelmed when I think about facing life on my own. But I have to remind myself that I don't have to do it alone. I've never had a strong desire to be a mom, but recently I've realized I just want to be a dog mom and hang out with Cooper all the time.
11. Sisters are best friends sent from God. My sister is my life-preserver that buoys me up and always makes me laugh. Even when she's balancing her own plate of challenges she always makes time to listen. We even had time to take an awesome and rather spontaneous sister trip this summer to some National Parks before she gets married ... THIS WEEK!
12. I've learned what it means to be authentic and vulnerable. It can be scary as h***, but when you're vulnerable and genuine your words are able to reach more hearts. There have been many things I never planned on sharing publicly on my blog or speaking, but I know there is someone every time that needs to hear the exactly what I'm saying or writing.
13. I've learned that I'm an outgoing introvert. Which I think I've known for awhile, but I've just really owned it this year. I've spoken to groups of 5 to 500 and have been open and vulnerable as I shared some of my personal experiences and answered just about any questioned asked of me. I also can come home and can write for hours or would rather just be on my mountain board alone in nature with my thoughts and feelings.
14. I've learned that I need to constantly be strengthening myself spiritually, physically and mentally. Some think I take exercising too seriously, if so then they don't understand it's benefit for my overall health. Yes, I exercise and xc ski for the cardio aspect, but I also do it for my sanity and mental strength and even for spiritual strength. Running before was a time where I'd not only connect with nature, but also with my Heavenly Father and it has become the same for xc skiing/mountain boarding.
15. I've learned to be content - not lazy or aimless - but content with where I am in every aspect of life. Physically, spiritually, vocationally, athletically etc. Doesn't mean I should remain stagnant without goals or progress, but that it's okay if we aren't perfect and aren't reaching those goals on our time tables because there is one with a much better perspective and time table watching over and guiding us.
16. I've learned that I am not a survivor, I'm a fighter. My paralysis will never go into remission in this life. I am not a victim or a patient, I am a fighter.
17. I've learned to CLAIM MY EXPERIENCES. And boy do I have a lot of experiences to claim. A lot of good and bad, but I claim them all because they are apart of my journey. I am not what happened to me (my accident) I am who I have chosen to become because of my experiences - I am in control!
18. I've learned that everyone has a story to tell. Going to Mammoth Lakes and other ski camps and competitions I've had the opportunity to meet many veterans and other individuals who have been through the unimaginable - and yet we all were able to bond over a sport while sharing our stories that led us there. I truly believe we all have a story to tell and a journey to share.
19. I've learned to have the faith not to be healed. Although it's difficult to have the faith to be healed in my situation, this year I've really focused on having the faith and trust NOT to be healed. To accept what the Lord has given me and make the most out of it.
20. I've learned about the power of one. The influence one person can have on your life whether that is a coach or a friend sometimes even a stranger. You & I both have the power to influence others and often times it can have a far reaching affect that we may never know or see.
21. I've learned that it is truly the gospel and Atonement of Jesus Christ that gives life it's meaning - meaning to our joys and our sorrows our triumphs and our trials.
22. I've learned to write hard and clear about what hurts. That is where a lot of my inspiration for my blog entires have comes from - that deep place in my soul that was hurting and grieving.
23. I've learned to have courage and be kind, for truly everyone we meet is facing some type of battle or struggle. I've learned to have courage and share those vulnerable dark times and details or my accident and recovery and to treat everyone I meet with kindness.
24. I've learned that some days are just bad days and that's okay. We can still find joy in every day with two goods and a bad, but there really are just some "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days" where sometimes all we can do is go to sleep remembering that the sun truly will come out tomorrow.
Overall I've learned that regardless of the trauma, trials or difficulty you've experienced or may be experiencing right now in this life or this past year you still have the capability to live a FULL and JOYFUL life. Seriously, I want to repeat that one hundred times! Regardless of who you've been or what you've gone through you have just as much potential as the person next to you. This year has been filled with just as much joy as any other year of my life (even those years when I had running & functioning legs) - and that is something I never thought I'd feel again (especially without running) - but I did!
CHEERS TO 24 YEARS! I really shouldn't have lived to celebrate a birthday past 21, but here I am turning 25 - a quarter of a century and living just as joyfully as I did at 16 or 21. Although this is not what I had pictured 25 looking like I'm happy. And really that is what is important is that we are living joyfully challenging lives. Today and everyday I celebrate being alive by getting out there and living a meaningful and connected life.
I stumbled upon your blog while looking up cougar cliffs, me and my friends rapelled there a few years back. Your story and your peserverance is similar to amberley snyder's, she also went usu. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on life and the gospel.
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