The Real Red Band Society

So the other month, I was super stoked about this TV series that was starting called Red Band Society. I watched the preview, or whatever you call the first episode, the pilot. We'll just say I was extremely disappointed, I didn't expect it to be perfectly realistic, but this show was unreal. My nurses told me I had the most decorated room they'd ever seen, and my room was put to shame by this shows top-of-the-line patient room decorations and design. So, I thought I'd give a little insight into what it was like to be a patient in a hospital for almost 4 months. I know only the "best" pictures were posted early on but I'm excited to share and gather together pictures and videos of what life was really like, the less glamorous version, the real version. I just want this is be a real non-"facebook world" insight into life. Honestly when I was going through it all I was on so many drugs I could have never covered it all and kept up. I'm just now 2 1/2 years later finding time to sit down and write about it. I want to have it all in one place that I can keep forever, lets hope the internet doesn't disappear or crash.

First off this is the infamous first picture that was posted and everyone thought "oh she looks great" little did they know it took so much effort and perfect timing to get that picture. Let me tell you, I didn't look as good as the "facebook world" made it appear.

But this is what life really looked like, and even then there are no pictures of the first five days in ICU... lots of sleeping, medications, wound bandages, drains and greasy hair. Even when I was awake I spoke with my eyes closed most of the time. 

I'm telling you, I didn't get to shower... and slept all the time. 

The bedhead hair was real.

If I wasn't asleep, I was half out of it. As pictured above.

My mom loved to take pictures when I slept. She said it was because it was the only time I looked peaceful and I didn't look like I was in pain. I think that was just her excuse.

Blankets were incredibly painful, so I slept with pillows. 

I wasn't kidding when I said I slept...A LOT

Now a few friends know of the adventures that I had while in the hospital. So the show wasn't totally wrong with some of the shennanigans that happen behind the scenes. But for the most part inpatient life is exhausting, busy but not very exciting. Honestly, those first few weeks my days revolved around when I could get the next dose of pain medication - every two hours. 

During dressing changes my sibling would put on music or I'd hum and sing to try and take my mind off of the pain and discomfort. My nurses, doctors and techs were the best but they can't always take away the pain, they do their best, but pain was my constant companion during my stay there.

I still remember the day which I decided to go off of IV pain medicine. They kept having to poke me over and over again because it was located right in the crook of my arm bend. As I started to move more I decided that it wasn't worth having to be poked all the time to continue the pain medication. So that's when I switched over to pill form, which just didn't provide the same relief.                                                                                                                                
Nerve pain haunted me at night. One night while in Las Vegas the residents would check in on me every two hours or less. One night I had finally found relief during my sleep and a resident came in poked my leg, sending me into incredibly terrible nerve pain, and said "swollen". That was it, he woke me from a peaceful, pain free slumber to tell me my legs were swollen. Well of course my legs are swollen, I thought, I just broke a million bones down there! And then I proceeded to struggle through pain and sleep for hours until morning. If i ever ran into that resident again...just kidding, I probably wouldn't even recognize him if we were in a staring contest.

The techs or CNA's, whatever yopu wish to call them, bless their souls. One aspect many don't realize is that when you sustain a spinal chord injury and paralysis, everything is paralyzed, and that includes your bowel and bladder function. Bless their souls for helping me with my daily "program", and let me tell you it's no musical program. But this is what it looks like after someone else bathes you. Now that's what I call a real SHATH (shower/bath).

And this is what it looks like after hours and hours spent on the toilet trying to be potty trained again after paralysis. It's not always something that comes back, actually in most cases that function doesn't return. I would literally watch full episodes of Modern Family from my hospital bathroom toilet. Maybe TMI but once again this is for me to look back at and see how far I've come. 

Being potty trained at 21 years old

There were few times that I cried in the hospital. I can think of five times specifically. The first I remember was in Las Vegas just overwhelmed with gratitude for the outpouring of love I felt. The next was when I arrived in Colorado. I had just been flown on a medical jet and being transferred was very painful experience. After my entrance testing was completed they wanted to give me a tour of the hospital and I was tired and in pain. As I looked out the window I saw a man riding his bike by the hospital. It was the first time which my fear was greater than my faith and I began to cry, thinking about how I'd never blue bullet, my bike, again. It was then when I committed to never allow my fear be greater than my faith. 

The third time I cried was tears of pain; actually, more screams of pain. One night between my regular pain and nerve pain my body was in overload. I was literally crying out in the night as the nurses tried to ease the pain and call in more extra medication. The next day was humiliating, I had to go to class with my neighboring fellow patients and their family members who heard me screaming out that night. I remember one patients wife coming over to my mother and asking if I was alright. I hated the looks of pity I was receiving, but now looking back they were looks of concern and compassion. But at the time I just felt humiliated. 

The fourth was just one of those bad days we all have, I was frustrated with the fact that I was getting feeling back and movement but due to my broken tibia, fibia, and metatarsals I couldn't weight bear. I just was frustrated and depressed and didn't want to do anything. It was clear to the hospital staff that it was a rough day & Claire, from therapeutic recreation, knew what medicine I needed. I needed a dose of the great outdoors, so we went for a ride on the handcycle. I'm so grareful she knew just what I needed and when I needed it. 

The last of the five experiences I'm mentioning may be a little TMI, but it had to do with cathing. Overall having a catheter was traumatic enough and then when it came time to learn how to take care of it for myself, it was even worse. I probably cried more in regards to cathing than anything else. Although there were other difficult times and sad moments of loss and grief, learning to cath myself was just as traumatic as those other losses. One day I found out that one catheter cost $15, so every time I used the bathroom I could literally say there goes $15 down the toilet.

Early on I wasn't allowed to turn or move in bed unless I was wearing my back brace or what they called a TLSO. Before I learned how to transfer myself, and before I had the strength the used to use this yellow banana hammock. But even getting in this contraption was difficult. I don't think I'll try and explain the process, but in the end lets just say I'm very grateful that I no longer need the hammock to transfer.

The real Red Band Society isn't as glamorous at TV makes it seem, or even my own Facebook made it seem these past few years. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to express, display and remember my time in the hospital.