"Beautiful People Don't Just Happen"

First off, I'm going to start to include my current favorite songs on these posts, so if you want music while reading then scroll to the bottom and check out my current favorite "As We Ran" by the National Parks.  Alright so back to this post, my friend, Alyssa gave me a picture when I got home from the hospital with this quote printed on it, the picture is back at home in Naperville, so the actual picture and quote won't be posted here for awhile. Now I appreciated and loved the quote, but I don't think I fully appreciated the depth and meaning of it at the time because I had only begun to experience the loss and sorrow. It wasn't until after facing my darker days and come out stronger that Imore deeply understood and appreciated the quote.

We live in a society with an emphasis on physical and outward beauty and youth, but the most beautiful people I know are not the one's with flawless skin or the perfect waist band.

The most beautiful people I know are beautiful from the inside out,
they are people who are 

authentic and genuine, 

vulnerarble and brave, 

broken and beautiful.

Those whom I respect the most are those who are vulnerable and open, and have faced life, both the good and bad with bravery and grace. Sometimes I feel this beauty within myself, its not very often I feel beautful from the outside, but in those moments I can focus on my inner beauty. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but this accident has revealed an inner strength and beauty from within that I didn't even know existed. There have been times where I did not feel beautiful inside or out. I've gone on to find an inner light and beauty that radiates outwards. I've met more beautiful people who've endured struggles and challenges, these past (almost) 3 years than my whole life before my accident, each one has helped strengthen and uplifted me.

Early on after my accident I was amazed. and honestly a little weirded out, by the strangers who would approach me, and the next thing I knew they were pouring out their heart and soul about their own lives and their struggles and sorrows. The conclusion I reached was that these people saw that one of my struggles was so physically obvious. They knew that I was aquainted with struggle and they immediately felt comfortable sharing their own sorrows and struggles that weren't as physical.

Individuals who've endured defeat and suffering and know struggle truly understand appreciate life in a different way, and live with more compassion and gentleness. It's hard to express if you haven't expereinced the depths of grief, loss and struggle. Before my accident I thought I had compassion and loving concern and apprecaited everything life had to offer, but it wasn't until I endured and continue to endure my own suffering and loss, and more importantly it wasn't until I  found "my way out of the depths", that I became more compassionate, understanding and enjoy life more fully.

I've met so many people along on this journey of recovery and healing that I wish I could spot light them all, and maybe one blog post I will start. There are times when you help lighten others lives, and other times in which they help spark your light. My friend Alyssa, pictured above is one who truly helped spark my light when it had died out. I've been on both ends of sharing my light and needing others to share their light with me, and there's nothing wrong with either. Here's another Elizabeth Kubler-Ross quote, about that light from within, that I love:

Early on the light radiated from within and there was a real spirit and light in my life during my hospitalization. But there was a time in my recovery where there was no light in my eyes, the flame from within had gone out. I was grieving and mourning, and rightfully so, I had just endured the most difficult year and a half of my life. I was just beginning to face the reality of the traumatic loss I would be enduring for the rest of my life. But there have been others along the way who have reminded me of the light within and helped me spark my light again. But during my darkest times I relied on the light of others. Now that I've gone through some of my darkest nights and found the light from within there are times when I'm speaking or sharing experiences when I feel like I'm radiating. But once again I want to be honest and show the "social media world" that although most of my pictures showed me smiling and positive, there were dark nights and times when my light had gone out. I've had multiple people tell me that "light" has returned to my eyes, which only reconfirms the spark that was lost for a time during my life.

Now I can proudly say that like stain-glass I feel the light within during the sunniest of days and the darkest of nights, and that is where I find my confidence. Although it's hard for me to accept my body, I can accept and love the light that I've found within and found my way out of the depths of sorrow, depression, loss and grief.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is heaven."

-Matthew 5:16-

And since it's been feeling like spring here in Utah, I've been driving with my windows down as often as possible, and I think I've found a new favorite song for windows down moutain driving. I "shazamed" (is that a real verb?) it during one fo the films at the Banff Film Festival and am in love with it. Doesn't have anything to do with light or anything I've been blogging about, but I like adding my current favorite tunes to look back on. Enjoy and take a drive down with your windows down to this song.