Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can't Lose

For those who recognize the title of this post, yes, I'm a big time fan of Friday Night Lights. To my surprise when I first started watching the show the main character, Jason Street and I shared a similar bond, paralysis. What I love most about the main phrase of the show is that it mentions nothing about their physical strength - it's all about character and heart. Truly with clear eyes and a full heart we can't lose. I could go on and on about FNL, but that was not the purpose of this post.

"You were chosen not for your bodily characteristics, but for your spiritual attributes, such as bravery, courage, interigity of heart, thirst for truth, a hunger for wisdom and a desire to serve"

- Russle M. Nelson-

This is probably my current favorite quote. What a beautiful reminder that we are more than our bodies and physical attributes. In a world where we judge ourselves and others so quickly by appearances, here we are here reminded that we were not chosen by our bodily characteristics. 

Now, I've talked about my grieving process before, including the grieving of my old body. Now, for the most part, I don't look like a spinal chord injury, if I'm not in my wheelchair. In fact, there have been many, many times where people would come up to me and ask "knee surgery?" or "how long are you on crutches for?" The list of questions go on and on. I even get the occasional questioning of disability, "you're not paralyzed" or "you're too able-bodied to be here". And even the occasional child at the grocery store, "you're not a grandma", those are always funny. 

Before my accident, I may not have had the perfect body, but it allowed me to run, climb and explore and do the things I  enjoyed; and for that I loved it. My legs have not completely atrophied, since I'm able to weight bear and walk some, but they still are not the same toned legs and normal looking feet. Arm crutches, wheelchairs and braces don't make the cutest of accessories. And when it comes to shoes, that's been a whole new struggle, one of those struggles they didn't prepare me for in the hospital. They taught me how to manage curbs and how to care for myself, but I wasn't prepared for the change of wardrobe and lowering self-esteem I would face.

Before & After. Accessories featured : jewett brace, wheelchair, compression socks, moon boots & foley bag all courtesy of Craig Hospital. Fashion striped top- The Loft, and bball shorts Utah State University Track & Field - incase you thought this was a fashion blog 

I remember in ICU looking down at my swollen, cut up, bruised, lifeless legs. It was then some of my first thoughts of doubt crept in. I began thinking, who would ever want this mangled body. As months went on, and still, I wondered who can see past all the physical challenges and a body that may not be perfect in this life. But I have to remember, I am not my body, I am not my disability, I am so much more; as Russle M. Nelson listed some of those attributes of bravery, courage, integrity, generosity etc.

His quote reminds me that I was not chosen for my body. I was sent here with a heart that feels, a mind that thinks independently, a mouth to speak kind words, eyes to see the beauty around me, and ears to hear the music of life.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not much help, but this quote reminds me of the many attributes I possess that aren't physical, that having nothing to do with how well I climb, how fast I run or how much I can lift. 

I know that physical weakness does not reflect our inner strength and so here are just a few of my favorite quotes that help remind me how the Lord see our weakness differently.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: 

for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 

Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities that

 the power of Christ may rest upon me....for when I am weak, then am I strong. 

-2 Corinthians 12:9-

"Acknowledge & face your weaknesses, but don't be immobilized by them,
because some of them will be your companions until you depart this earth life."

- Elder Klebingat-

"We don't have to be fast we simply have to be steady and move in the right direction.
We have to do the best we can, one step after another."

"I don't dwell on the fact that I cannot [run] now. Instead I take the steps I can take,

regardless of your disabilities, limitations, or circumstances."

-Joseph B. Wirthlin-

"Don't limit yourself and don't let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and the live as so to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith."
-Thomas S. Monson-

"For all the physical things I lack, there are great spiritual gains" 

-Boyd K. Packer-

Good timber does not grow with ease.

The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.
The further the sky, the greater the length.
The more the storm, the more the strength.
-Douglas Malloch-