Two Goods & A Bad

When I was 21, I went through an identity crisis. People talk about quarter life crisis' and other life crisis' but this is different. I'm talking about a complete loss of self. I've talked about it before but looking down at my swollen, lifeless, cut up and bruised legs in the hospital, I wondered what was left. I wondered who am I, what am I without running?  If I wasn't a running, rock climbing, adventurous college athlete, who am I?

I was literally stripped of everything I thought my identity was, actually I was literally stripped too, and given a classy looking hospital gown, but that's not the point. Most people never have to strip off all the layers they cover themselves in and look themselves in they eye and face who they truly are. We cover ourselves and our true identities up with our careers, the sports we play or enjoy, activities we spend our time on, clothes we cover our bodies in or the hair color framing our faces. But none of those are truly apart of your identity. It may be what you do or what you look like, but they are not who you are!


A friend in college sent me a message and told me to look up the song "Strip Me" by Natasha Bedingfield because it made them think of me. At first I thought, uh okay, what's that supposed to mean. But then I listened to it and loved it - and I hope you do too.

I love girl power songs to belt on the bus rides to cross country meets or to sing with my windows rolled down, and this song is definitely one of those empowering ones. But really these lyrics apply perfectly to the point I'm getting at:

 And if you strip me, strip it all away

If you strip me, what would you find

If you strip me, strip it all away

I'll be alright

I'm only one voice in a million

but you ain't takin' that from me

Before my accident, I  too identified myself by my physical qualities and capabilities. But laying there in that hospital bed and going through this identity crisis having everything stripped away, I came back to rediscover who the real Brittany Fisher really is. I think some people go through their entire lives without really discovering who they are, but at 21 I came face to face with myself and had to find out what was left and what was really there all along.

I've learned that I am so much more than a runner, I am a daughter. I am so much more than a rock climber, I am a sister. I am so much more than a college athlete, I am a friend. Those roles are eternal and divine and that identity and role will follow me throughout this life and on. This is still my favorite quote of all time, and I know I already used this quote and some of these ideas in my blog post Clear Eyes Full Hearts Can't Lose, but here it is again:

"You were chosen not for your bodily characteristics, but for your spiritual attributes, such as bravery, courage, interigity of heart, thirst for truth, a hunger for wisdom and a desire to serve"

- Russle M. Nelson-

I  absolutely love this reminder that I am not defined by those physical attributes, but by those spirituals attributes and characteristics. When I moved home for awhile after graduating college I had this mirror in my bathroom that I hated. I hated that mirror because it reflected my image of my in a wheelchair, a wheelchair that I hated. Not just disliked, loathed. And for the first time while home I was getting ready in my wheelchair and looked in that same mirror at the same girl in the wheelchair and for the first time I didn't hate it. Now this may not seem like a big deal, but to me this was HUGE. For the first time in over three years I looked at myself in my wheelchair and didn't hate what I saw. I still don't prefer my wheelchair because I want to maintain all the movement and progress I've made. 

You may or may not have noticed but I hate taking pictures in my wheelchair I'll do everything in my power to avoid my wheelchair in pictures, so it's way hard to come across pictures of me in it.

While at home recovering from surgery last week I decided to conquer some boxes in my room. One of the boxes was the box of cards from my hospitalization. If I was in an emotional mood I'm sure I would have teared up. But either way I spent hours going through old cards of warm wishes and encouragement. It was so incredible to read through and feel the support of so many again during a different time of my recovery. I started to see a pattern, so many people kept writing about my joy and positive attitude "if there is anyone who can handle this it's you" or "you are such a positive and happy person I know you'll make it through this". Over and over again people kept telling me similar words of encouragement. And that's when I realized that I possessed this joyful and optimistic outlook on life before my accident ever happened. Some of it was my natural disposition, but it's also something I consistently worked on, and something each of you can work on. We live in a society filled with anxiety, comparison, depression and low self-esteem, but I want to share with you all two things that have helped bring joy and optimism into my life.

Before my accident I practiced daily gratitude. I wrote in a gratitude journal daily, not your typical "I'm grateful for..." but I just wrote down the funny, small, joyful moments in my daily life, whether that was a text from a far away friend, a funny quote from practice or a roommate prank, these little memories and moments fill boxes of journals back at home. So while home I went through some of my gratitude journals leading up to literally the day before my accident, it was crazy to read how joyful and action packed my life was during that time in my life. I skimmed through gratitude journals dating back five to six years. It was so fun to go back and read those things that brought me joy back in fall of 2007 at that track meet in St. Louis or that high school senior week dressing up in overalls and playing Aw Snap on the football field and trying to finish Ellen Degeneres' book before graduation.

While home I got to see my rockstar high school cross country coach who in passing reminded me about "two goods and a bad". Let me explain, I am a FIRM believer that CRAP HAPPENS, and in order to balance out the crap that life deals us we have to look for the good. Sometimes on this scale of life we have a lot of crap on our scale and we have to try and seek out 2 or 20 times more of the good things in life to balance out the crap. So the rule is you always have to have double the "goods" than the "bads". So it's totally allowed to have two or three or five "bads" in your life, and I want you to share them with me, but then you have to find twice as many good things that happened in your life.

Joseph B. Wirthlin's mother is well known for the phrase "come what may and love it". But I love what he went on to say on that catch phrase:

"I do not think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don't think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truth beneath a clock of pretend happiness. I do believe: they way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how successful and happy we can be in life."

I loved in high school starting off longs runs and after everyone settles into their paces then I'd chime in "time for two goods and a bad". Everyone knew what it mean and their minds would start churning over their day or weekend. So often people who say "ah, no not me, I'm not ready yet". But it really made people reflect over their day and see what kind of day they had. It also helped create unity as teammates and help up know whats really going on in each others lives. It also helped create a supportive environment. I wanted to know if you failed your Chemistry exam or if your locker was jammed causing you to turn in an assignment late. It's essential to talk about the bad, it exists and I'm the first person to admit it. We need to acknowledge the crap and the "bad" things that happens in our lives, and then turn around and seek out the good and joy that life holds. I encourage you to implement "two goods and a bad". It's a constant reminder that life definitely isn't perfect, but there is always joy and goodness to be found. I'll share with you mine:

1 BAD - I had double flat tires while on my mountain board, at the bottom of a giant hill and two miles from my car.
1 GOOD - This cute couple asked if they could help, but I didn't want to put them out and said no. So they went on their way and then less than a minute later came back and asked again if they could help. THANK GOODNESS it would have literally taken a least 10 times longer to get up that hill without their help.
2 GOOD -They got me to the top of that hill and then there was another turn and hill, which another runner offered to help push me up. Seriously, people are awesome! And if that wasn't enough I only let him push me around the corner and insisted my car wasn't far ahead and that I'd be fine. Well after 10 minutes of struggling a minivan stopped and noticed my flat tired and offered to help. Thank goodness because I was STILL struggling and so they threw my mountain board in the back and Cooper and me in the back seat - people seriously rock!

Oh and I'll just throw in this bonus 3rd good in picture form. Seriously though, that face!

Now you know how to play "two goods and a bad". I challenge you to give it a try and incorporate this practice in your daily life by asking your family members, teammates, coworker, roommates  spouse or even just yourself. And try to strip away those things in life and discover who you really are, like myself I think you'll be surprised at how much you'll actually find. And actually feel free to share your two good and a bad with me, Id love to hear from you and catch up or just hear how life in going.